An Exploration of Self-Love

Have you ever told yourself “I love you”
And actually believed it?

After all of the years doing self-love practices and affirmations, last week, the words come out of my mouth and I ACTUALLY heard them.
And believed it to be true.

Because this time, I had a hard choice.
I wasn’t in a pretty candle lit women’s circle
I wasn’t drinking cacao and singing songs.
I wasn’t reading an inspirational self help quote.
I wasn’t reciting lines from a prayer at church.

I was in the middle of a hard conversation.

I could choose
To shame myself
To judge myself for making a mistake
To melt into a puddle of victimhood and smear myself across the walls

Or
I could choose to put the sword of self-loathing down.
And pick up empathy instead.

Miraculously in that moment
I chose to tell myself,
“It’s okay, I love you.”

It wasn’t an easy choice.

But in making that choice,
I earned my own trust.

For the first time,
I didn’t recite empty words while still choosing to believe the criticism in my own head.

Instead, I chose compassion for myself,
And when I did, my eyes cleared
And realized I hadn’t made a mistake at all,
But I had done the best I could do.
That I needed something that wasn’t available,
and I was afraid.

Accepting my own humanity gave me the ability to see another option beyond self-criticism.

The very choice I made was love.
And the words “I love you” suddenly had new meaning.
Suddenly they were full.