I drew a Dizzy Stick Figure
It’s been about 6 months since I last wrote to you.
A lot has changed.
And a lot is still changing.
I have a new home in a new city. (I’ve moved to Portland, Oregon.)
I experienced a new and very different work environment (Unrelated to the work I share with you here)
I am making new friends.
I started taking classes in new styles of dance.
I am exploring new romantic relationships and practicing new secure ways of communicating and being in the dating world while caring for myself in the process.
I am in search of a new ways to relate to, define, and express my spirituality.
I’m still mush in the chrysalis so to speak.
Last night, it felt like the mush was suffocating me.
I had been spinning in overwhelm and had spent the last few days desperately searching for some type of anchor to feel grounded.
But everything I reached for slipped through my fingertips.
The dance class I hoped would clear my mind only filled it with concerns about technique.
My romance had ended, and I couldn’t lean on him to distract me or save me.
My bedroom is still disorganized from moving so even going to take a nap felt chaotic.
I was stressed that nothing was making me feel better.
Finally I slumped on the couch and talked to a friend.
And the truth hit me in the face.
What if feeling un-grounded isn’t a problem?
Sure it’s been uncomfortable as hell.
Sure, it's natural for me to seek familiarity and comfort in the midst of all this change.
But it's not a problem.
And by fighting against it, I'm giving myself the spins.
It reminded me of a ballerina doing turns.
Dancers can spin because they work with 2 opposing forces at the same time. Her standing leg is pushing DOWN into the ground while the other works with the rest of her body to push momentum around.
The more a dancer employs these opposing forces, the longer they can stay spinning.
A great lesson in physics. Also a great lesson for life.
Here's the Translation:
The spinning in my mind is because I’m moving 2 directions at the same time. Life is carrying me like a current, trying to move me into my next chapter and it's changing A LOT. I started freakin out because HELLO IT IS UNCOMFORTABLE, and as I began to resist, I started to spin.
Mental/emotional/energetic spinning happens when we fight the current. When we resist what is really here. What is really happening.
Life is trying to take me somewhere and I’m not trusting it.
It’s human.
To want stability.
To want reassurance.
To want something familiar and comfortable.
But just because it's uncomfy, unfamiliar, and slightly unhinged, doesn't mean it's wrong.
There will be seasons when life will ask something different of you. Where the voice of love gently invites you to “surrender to the current of change.”
It is not lost on me that this lesson was channeled on Election Day.
In the midst of big collective change. And whether it's that big change that is impacting your right now, or some other current of newness you might be resisting in your life, I want to ask…
What would it look like to allow yourself to be moved by the current of change?
What if you could trust life, and allow yourself to be carried for a short time, into the next chapter?
What if it's okay that things are uncomfortable right now? (It won't be uncomfortable forever.)
I don’t know what comes up for you, but for me it's relief.
Like I can gather the pieces of my life I was trying to force and free them. It gave me permission to be exactly where I am.
In somatic work, this is what building capacity and resilience ACTUALLY translates to in in real life.
Somatic practices are good in the moment, but over time, a regular practice increases your ability to be flexible and adaptable. It helps you move with the current of life, to surrender to love, even when there is fear.
To embrace change, without forgetting who you are.
